Mysterious News Briefly — December 31, 2020
Authorities investigating the Christmas Day Nashville RV bomber found writings that suggest he spent time hunting for extraterrestrials and believed that shape-shifting Reptilians were in control of the world. For the first time in history, Reptilians may be concerned about their reputations.
The last mysterious monolith of 2020 appeared on a street in the Heights neighborhood of Houston, Texas, and was immediately decorated with a yellow ribbon, a framed picture of a Hindu god and a sticker that reads “weird”. Locals were disappointed that the monolith was the standard 10 feet tall, revealing that not everything is bigger in Texas.
Physicists from MIT have developed a new atomic clock using quantum entanglement and the rare Earth element ytterbium that is so accurate, won’t lose more than tenth of a second in 14 billion years or running. Of course, that depends on the physicist responsible for Daylight Saving Time changes having a good eye and steady hands.
Gazpromneft, the oil subsidiary of Russia’s natural gas giant Gazprom, has opened a cryptocurrency mine on one of its oil drilling sites in Siberia that will be powered by natural gas from the site. The tough part will be convincing the local store to accept bitcoin for vodka and yak jerky.
A woman who claims she’s an Objectum Sexual – a person who develops significant relationships with inanimate objects – says her relationship with the Eiffel Tower that began in 2007 has ended but she’s involved with something new that she won’t discuss. The tower is rumored to be dating, but finds tourists and BASE jumpers only interested in one-nighters.
Wildlife officials in New York can’t explain why residents of a neighborhood in Queens are being attacked by squirrels so aggressive that they run up their legs and bite them on the neck. If these are vampire squirrels, 2020 just sealed the deal on the “Worst Year in History” title.
After five years and 45 deep-sea research expeditions in the Atlantic, the ATLAS project announced it has discovered 12 newly identified species, including fish, cold-water coral, a fungus that grows on coral and two animals that resemble moss. Elizabeth Moss says she has some names already picked out.
Researchers from the University of Adelaide found that some species of fish will have higher reproductive capacity because of larger sex organs caused by the elevated levels of CO2 predicted to accumulate in the oceans this century. “I’m gonna need a bigger aquarium,” thought typical male fish.
While animal shelters are overflowing with excellent adoptable dogs and cats, some people are instead keeping leeches as pets – including Asian buffalo leeches (Hirudinaria manillensis) that are as long as a human arm – and feeding them their own blood right from their own leech-sized human arms. Would that make feeding from a pinky finger just a treat for begging?
Mexico’s famous Popocatépetl volcano erupted this week, throwing a cloud of ash and rocks 3,000m (9,800ft) into the sky, while seismologists issued rare warnings about rumbling volcanoes on some resort islands in the East Caribbean, including Martinique, St. Vincent and the Grenadines. You’ve already shut down the tourism and cruise industries, 2020 – what are you trying to prove now?